Family Continued - Different Side

Family Rules

Family Rules

I hope these are easy to read because they crack me up every time I look at them.  I cannot claim these as my own as my mom actually typed them up several years ago.  She showed them to me for the first time this last January when we got together with the extended family in Florida.  

Background

We used to go to Miami for Christmas and often enjoyed staying with my grandparents on my mom's side.  My aunt also lived there with her only daughter.  My grandpa had several strokes before I was old enough to really pay attention to my surroundings and as a result he was "confined" to a wheelchair.  By confined, I mean he walked himself around while sitting in a wheelchair.  I am sure that if he actually tried, he could have gotten up and gained better mobility.  His glasses were an inch thick and he would often come up to any given grandchild, grab our hand and ask "who is this"?  My cousin Raymond does the best impression of him.  

My grandmother had her schedule set in stone every weekday.  Get up, drink coffee and eat toast, finish her crosswords and turn on the soaps.  She would always record the soaps on other channels as well so she could watch them when she finished the first ones.  I feel like she was really lost on the weekends without her set schedule.  She was very nice, but you could tell she would get frustrated with my grandpa often.  

Enter my aunt and cousin into the picture and you would get a recipe for the perfect dysfunctional family for a hilarious television show.  Hence the family rules.  After many years of going to Miami for Christmas these rules were worked up to describe how to survive in that house.  I loved every minute I spent in that house.  There was a lot of yelling, blaming, jealousy, underhandedness.  I thought this was all very exciting.  No one was ever really mad at each other for longer than the moment of the confrontation.  I think any outsider that would have happened into this house would have thought we were all crazy. 

I still live by numbers 7 and 11.

Oh, Your Computer is Working? Really ?!?

Hmmm, this seems to be a huge mystery.  An old ass computer that doesn't work, but the user can't seem to figure out what went wrong.  When I got there, neither DVD drive would open as they were glued shut from all the dust, soda, and whatever else he has subjected this machine to over the years.

I thought, "OK, this will be an easy one, he just needs a new computer to replace this fossil".  I finally convinced him to get a new computer.  At last, somebody finally listens to reason.

But of course, he wants to take this jewel of a computer home and use it there because "it still works fine for me".

Good luck buddy, good luck...

American Kenpo Karate - Yellow Belt Test

We left the University around 4:10 and started our drive to Tulsa, OK for our yellow belt test.  Chatter, chatter, we made it to our first stop, 15 minutes out of town and grabbed a bite to eat.  On the road again, and we were on our way.  Driving into Tulsa, we saw our exit.  I heard someone say "dog" from the back seat, I said "dog" and the driver keep on going without hesitation, he has thick glasses.  Suddenly we were swerving, and I got that feeling we were about to roll, resulting in knitting needles in my ear (one passenger was knitting a scarf, a very good one at that with brown and blue color pattern).

We rolled into Tulsa an hour ahead of schedule.  Got lost.  Got lost some more.  Got directions to a similar Air Force Base (heavily guarded).  He sent us to the National Guard Air Force Reserve Base (barely guarded) where the front booth attendant merely had a black shirt reading "SECURITY".  No ID check or anything and we were in.

Walked in, met the head instructor, a 3rd degree black belt, and proceeded to change.  Lined up and we were off.   He held the test first which was a great relief to everyone.  We got belted, transferred our knowledge to the new belt, got kicked, and drank some water.  Way easier than I expected, but I am glad we looked so good.

First part of the lesson was getting on our horse in the correct order.  Mission accomplished.  After that, we practiced roundhouse and back knuckles on pads.  The bruised and broken blood vessels in my knuckles made me realize we need to do more pad work back home.  Continued on, learned Clutching Feathers (defense against hair grab) and practiced.  Overall, it was a great experience and we met several new people.

Oss!

^


Learned a new saying, Oss!  I was told it means, yes sir, yes ma'am, I'm ready.  I am told it was a positive statement, I think it means Hell Yeah!

So we got our yellow belts, left the training floor, got lost, got directions, got lost, ate around 11:00 and got home around 2:00 am.  It was fun.